blackbird

he's got a girl that will understand his jokes,
and discuss philosophy with him.
and all i want to do to watch old movies,
and discuss music with him
i hate that my heart still misses him.
i shouldnt have to hurt this much.
i hate that she's perfect for him,
and i get the "just friends" part of the deal.
i hate hate how nothing these days is fair.

"blackbird singing in the dead of night
take these broken wings and learn to fly
all your life,
you have all been waiting for this moment to arrive."

i think im sick

im sick of writing poems. this isnt doing me any good so why am i trying to fool myself? im sick of liars that continue to lie after they know theyve been caught only becuase their pride is too big to swallow. im sick of looking for love and getting my heart broken. im sick of people judging me as the "quiet girl". if they only took the time and got to know me, they'd realize that im the complete opposite of quiet. im sick of politics and people who say i need to be political. maybe its laziness of not wanting to research the different classes but the fact is, i dont care about what political class i fit into. stop pestering me! im sick of my english teacher who is president of the "i hate heather club". she always counts my essays as late when i turn them in on time and she's unfair with everything she does. she doesnt even let me go to the bathroom, but she lets everyone else. im sick of it! im sick of people asking me if i party, enough said. im sick of relying on medicine to make myself feel better. im sick of being limited to everything just becuase i got my tonsils out. im sick of venting to a computer.

makes no title makes no sense

life was never meant to last and i think that's what fooled us in the end.
you looked so beautiful with your hair blown back by the wind.
no one could take us from that moment.
i was ready to die in your arms but you still had some living left to do,
and i think that's what killed me in the end.
i ran out of drinks to drink becuase
nothing was more satisfying than you.
i lost my touch of witty remarks
in fact, ive lost a lot since youve gone on living.

[i have yet to end a decent poem, thanks to you.]

well hello there winter

ive never seen so much snow! when i woke up this morning i litterally felt like i was in a winter wonderland, haha that sounded really lame. oh well. but seriously, i dont think i really noticed it much last winter becuase i was so caught up in getting unpacked and making sure my grades stayed somewhat up. i say "somewhat" becuase my grades have never been, and will probably never be, perfect. but now that my tonsils have been taken out, ive been spending a lot of my winter break just staring out my bedroom window. its relaxing. its beautiful. i actually appreciate kansas now. its nice that ive finally reached this sense of peace about moving. i'll always be able to say that i spent my childhood in california, but the whole growing up part is really taking place in kansas. i mean, i'm getting my license really soon, i just had my sixteenth birthday and i'm almost half way done with high school. i like growing up. ok that's all for now.