Have We Learned?

I've been trying to write one thing that will inspire others. It hasn't happened yet. But I'm still trying. I'm sick of trying. I'm sick of waiting. I'm sick of pretending that he doesn't matter to me. No, he means everything. And I think I told myself over and over that if I say my feelings for him have left, then they eventually will. That also hasn't happened yet.

I've been trying to forget about this year. One good thing has happened so far and I lost in a matter of three weeks. That was hardly enough time to really grasp that I had it. So those three weeks were the best of my life. And I've spent the past four months trying to muster up enough energy to accept that it's over. It hasn't happened yet.

I want to go to Chicago, buy a camera, and start making money. I want to graduate and forget about high school. What I've lost. I haven't learned quite enough. I haven't cried nearly as much. But I need to change. I need to care. I need someone that will make me less predictable. Someone who won't correct my awful spelling. Someone who will run away from life with me and take a train to some abandoned city. I need something stable for once. I need something humorous and romantic. I need to stop using so many cliches.